Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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