Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
