I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize
