just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
