I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
