It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
