i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Randomize
