i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Randomize