i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
Randomize
