True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
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