I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Randomize
