Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
