I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
