He uses pillows to masturbate.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Randomize
