it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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