just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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