im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
