The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
