she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
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