All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
