He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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