Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
