Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
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Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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