I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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