I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
