PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Randomize
