The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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