You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
he thought i was a dude.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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