Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
