My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
