You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
