Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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