After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
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