Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
That accounts for only three of the penises
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
