honey bunches of taint.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
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Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
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I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
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