Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
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I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
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Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
not ubering you a puppy
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
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