My first STD was from a foam party
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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