They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Randomize
