Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
where does the pee come out of this thing
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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