as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Randomize
