how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
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