May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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