glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
birth control should be required to get into college
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
