none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
