this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
home. puking in laundry basket.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
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