so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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