his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Randomize
