THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
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