He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
