Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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