i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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