mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
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her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
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