I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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