drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
