she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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