Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
