I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
