woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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