I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize