the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
its not stalking. its research.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
