foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
