Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
