Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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