I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
