tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
